This is the third pair I’ve bought, so if I were a Silicon Valley tech titan, journalists would probably be saying, “She’s just like Steve Jobs, except instead of turtlenecks, she wears wide-legged trousers!” (They’d actually say pants, but when I gained UK citizenship, I had to promise to stop saying that, except for certain situations that never arise anymore.) They’d focus on my clothes instead of my advanced technical jargon, because even in the safe space of John Lewis reviews, I know I wouldn’t make any sense. Thankfully, when you’re a titan, banks and media are too polite to point such things out.
Then, after the FBI arrested me for fraud and misuse of orphans, they’d say, “She’s just like Elizabeth Holmes, except instead of turtlenecks, she wears wide-legged trousers!” (How was I to know my subcontractor used orphans as fuel? I hate opening the post. Don’t they know that? No! Because journalists were so obsessed with my wide-legged trousers, they didn’t notice all the unopened post from Bangladesh.)
I may not be a tech titan, but I have no charisma and therefore can be trusted. These trousers really are “as comfortable as pyjamas.” Do they also make a “sleek style statement?” Probably, but I’m so short, I can’t really see anything but the top of my head in the mirror at work, and that’s when I’m jumping.
I really like the thickness and feel of the material, and as long as one doesn’t spill bleach on them (the reason I have three pairs instead of two), they keep like new.
My only problem -- that you'll ever know about, anyway -- is that because I am short, I have to hike the waist right up to below my bosom. I could hem them, yes, or I could just think of myself as a Georgian lady (as opposed to a Geordie Shore lady, at least until John Lewis starts offering lip fillers). I know from Jane Austen reenactments that they were too lazy to hem their clothes, too.
The fact that I can wear them right below my bosom all day, and that they still look good (nobody’s said anything, anyway), shows that they do indeed boast “lasting performance.” I wear long shirts over them, also from John Lewis, and so my figure is probably more of a sleek rectangle than a figure eight, but that's OK. I’m no good with numbers. And that’s why you know I really am not a Silicon Valley tech titan. I live in Leith.